Individual Counseling
Find sobriety, wholeness and life
The Essence of Individual Counseling
Men with sexual addiction need a sanctuary for an hour a week. To slow down and breathe. To think and feel and be with the depth of their emotion and the consequences of their acting out. They need time and space to learn about sobriety and recovery in a non-judgmental way, where they’re respected and honored for who they really are and not dismissed for the chaos they created. These men need accountability, honesty, and vision. They need grace and self-compassion. They need healing.
The Bedrock of Treatment
One-on-one counseling is the bedrock of sex and porn addiction treatment. Why? For one, there are nuances to this work that are best addressed in a one-on-one, personalized setting. For example, exploring triggers, getting sober, relapse prevention, increasing emotional intelligence, learning about wife’s or partner’s experience and how to help her feel safe, learning to love and communicate, and developing a healthy sexuality to name a few.
Another powerful reason individual counseling is foundational is the counseling relationship itself. Many overlook this but there are significant curative effects of the client-therapist relationship. In fact, research shows that a strong relationship with a trusted, safe, and attuned therapist is the most transformative aspect of counseling.
What Do We Actually Do in Sessions?
Some of our time is spent going through Facing the Shadow, a book by Patrick Carnes on sex and pornography addiction, the first of its kind. During the week, clients are given readings and exercises to complete which are processed in the following session. For example, your homework may prompt you to explore your justifications and use of denial, how your acting out escalated over time or you may find yourself reading about the importance of our underlying beliefs, how technology accelerates addiction, or how arousal templates are formed. Regardless, there is a lot of learning.
Sessions are also spent exploring your own experience. What is currently happening? What are you feeling? What are you bringing with you into the counseling session? Issues you may want to process: a recent fight with your wife, feeling overwhelmed by shame, not feeling good enough or like you don’t deserve to be better, work stress, feeling emotionally numb. It’s more than appropriate to talk about these things. Sexual addiction treatment must be holistic as it touches upon every aspect of life.
What Kind of Counseling Do You Do?
The first months of treatment are heavily left-brained. By “left-brained” I mean cognitive and analytical. Working through Facing the Shadow allows you to think through things like your addiction cycle, acting out history, current urges, and strategies for overcoming relapse and achieving long-term recovery. Left-brained focus helps you seize the addiction and begin creating new neural networks.
After a strong sobriety has been established, treatment shifts more toward emotional intelligence and relationships, or toward the right side of the brain. Many of these men are left-brain dominant and have an under-developed right hemisphere. This part of treatment is especially important if they are married or are in romantic relationships.
The counseling I offer is integrative and pulls from multiple approaches, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Emotion-Focused Therapy, and Interpersonal Neurobiology.
Is There Hope for Me?
Absolutely yes. When you are in the throes of addiction and its aftermath it can feel overwhelming. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I fix this? Is it even possible? Can anyone relate? But I’m here to tell you healing is possible. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know anything about therapy or addiction runs in your family or your marriage is on the rocks. I’ve witnessed clients change. It’s a hard road. But one that will help form and shape you into the person you most desire to be.
Do you have any questions or concerns? Go ahead and reach out to me directly with inquiries.