Group Counseling for Porn Addiction
It is well understood that men with addiction lie and hide. And not just about their ashamed-of behaviors. They lie about themselves too, they’ll hide their true thoughts and feelings, hopes and fears. They’ll even lie about trivial things, like where they put the car keys.
Because of this habitual lying/hiding many porn-addicted men have never been truly vulnerable, allowing others to see their hearts and scars, their good, bad and ugly. Enter group counseling.
Group counseling for sex addicts can be the missing link.
“Better faster” in group counseling
Group counseling, for Patrick Carnes, godfather of sex and porn addiction treatment, is irreplaceable. Individual counseling, for all its merit and transformative power, does not and cannot offer the unique benefits of group counseling. Alexandra Katehakis agrees. She’s the founder of Center for Healthy Sex and she writes in Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation,
“Addicts of all stripes get better faster in group therapy because the brain is a social organ requiring community to grow, heal, and change.”
Did you catch that? Katehakis says we require community. Individual counseling is a relationship. Group counseling is a community. A brotherhood. Why do we need community? The simple and undeniable truth is we are wired for it.
Here’s another truth: Some men with addiction are not comfortable in relationships and many don’t have a social network, let alone a tight-knit community or a band of brothers. Culture doesn’t help with this. The old masculinity script says a man travels alone, doesn’t cry, doesn’t require help. But for those who are ready to find a new way, group counseling can be the beginning of deepening a man’s relational self.
Groups members as brothers in the trenches
A pornography addiction group allows members to be mentored and encouraged by their peers. Members get to experience what it’s like to be lovingly held in the minds of other men, who are also in the trenches of addiction. Group members know what it’s like to be a source of trauma for their wives or girlfriends and some have blazed for themselves a remarkable path toward healing and joy. Being in the presence of a group that can relate to your problems brings peace. It can help keep you accountable. Encouragement from a therapist is good, but it’s something different being held up by the thoughts and prayers of comrades and it’s an experience many clients don’t realize they need.
Group counseling and vulnerability
When clients join a therapy group like this, they know they are there to get real, to open up. Vulnerability is in the air. Clients come to learn that they aren’t going to be rejected or reviled when they get honest about their struggles and slips and triggers. It’s this acceptance, understanding and care that many of these men crave.
I have had the opportunity to co-facilitate a sex addiction group for the past two years. Let me tell you, it’s a beautiful thing witnessing a group of men open up, shed tears, hold each other accountable, encourage and inspire and celebrate one another. Love and support should be the norm.
We all require community. How much more for those battling sex and pornography addiction.