Using Sex to Cope with Dorsal Depression
Men with a sexual addiction use sex, pornography and masturbation to pull themselves out of that pit, that state of dysregulation, that feeling of hopelessness, exhaustion and shut down. This pattern gets wired in the brain.
Sex Addiction and the Nervous System: Fight-Or-Flight
Fight-or-flight is your body shouting, “The enemy is here!” It’s characterized by an excess of energy in the body, feeling warm, difficulty sitting still, raised heart rate, and a physical urge to fight something or someone or run like the wind.
Sex Addiction and the Nervous System: Safe, Social, Connected
When your nervous system deems your surroundings safe, you move about life with relative ease, getting things done, interacting with people as you need and want to, and feeling pretty good overall.
Getting Organized
It can be a good idea to clean up and organize your life. Your environment matters. Like breathing pollutant air to your lungs, living in chaos and stress in your personal life erodes your mental health and recovery.
Crappy Behavior Is Eroding Your Relationship
Crappy behavior can be minor, but if we have crappiness spread out over the whole of our lives, it’s like death by a thousand cuts. Behaving badly adds up.
Listening Without Fixing
“Your job isn’t to fix something, but to genuinely take in and resonate with what she’s feeling.” That’s your job. Save the fixing, if that’s what you enjoy doing, for the house and the cars and the yard.
How Does a Sex Addiction Develop?
Is it due to a high sex drive? What about toxic masculinity? Is it from living in a hyper-sexualized culture? To understand how sexual addiction develops we should talk about the family of origin and big-T and little-t traumas.
When Your Inner Child Takes Over
We have younger parts of ourselves within us. And if we aren’t careful, they get triggered and take over. Learn to embrace your inner kid without letting him run the show.
“I’m Being Reactive”
Being reactive with your loved ones, as a man, can cause serious damage, fast. Robert Masters has deceptively simple advice for you. Try it if you find yourself consistently hurting your closest relationships.
You Need a Purpose
Without a sense of purpose life can feel like a bag of sand you drag around behind you. You have less energy and less inspiration. A strong sexual sobriety and recovery require purpose!
Your Wife Wants You to Lead the Healing Process
Wives often find themselves leading post-discovery, but she does not want to! Give her the feeling that you are taking this seriously, that you are doing everything necessary to help your relationship heal and grow.
6 (More) Partner Responses After Sexual Betrayal
If you have sexually betrayed your partner due to stepping outside the relationship in some way, listen carefully, you are both lover and abuser. One person, two identities.
5 Partner Responses After Sexual Betrayal
For her, it could manifest as not feeling good enough, attractive enough, sexy enough, that some deep flaw is irreversible and permanent and that this was the reason you acted out in the first place.
Group Counseling for Porn Addiction
Many porn-addicted men have never been truly vulnerable, allowing others to see their hearts and scars, the good, bad and ugly of where they’ve been. This is where group counseling comes in.
A Period of Celibacy
On the other side of this celibacy period will be your brain’s renewed ability to experience pleasure in the little things—a cup of coffee, a walk in the park, holding your wife’s hand—even eventually the seemingly mundane day-to-day unfolding of your life.
What to Do When Your Wife Is Triggered by Your Past
Let the chips fall where they may. And if it’s appropriate, be curious. You can ask a follow-up question. Be open to answering a question she may have. Allow the moment to unfold.
What (Not) To Do When Your Wife Is Triggered by Your Past
Train yourself to “see” her pain. It’s easy to see the anger and rage and emotional storm coming your way. It takes discernment to see what she isn’t showing you, her wounded and broken heart.
Developing Your 'Why' for Sexual Sobriety and Recovery
When you are confident in why you’re doing this work, whether the work is becoming more vulnerable or attending weekly therapy, doing the next right thing becomes easier. You’re able to carry a little more and walk a little farther.